Everyday Comedy
funny stories from everyday life
Dear Self: 3 Rules To Follow at Midnight
“Everyday Comedy” is a series on the little things in life that make us laugh. Dear Self: 3 Rules To Follow at Midnight Refrain from inspecting the fridge for new or overlooked items. Don’t buy food that’s $5 or less from the bakery or deli section (you already ate). Compose all text (e.g., complaints, congrats, emails, or follow-ups) in a note app or on paper. Don’t send. 3 Creative Solutions on How To Follow the Rules Above Take a photo of the inside of your fridge to keep nearby. Place a $1 label on two or four food items on your kitchen counter. Shop there first. Print and tape your…
Paypal
W: Hey look! H: What? *looks around* W: I updated my papal. Want to try it out? Here, I’ll charge you and you can pay me. H: *hahaha*
Fries
*Husband pulls up to Chick-Fil-A the drive-thru* H: Do you know what you want? W: *decisive face* Yes. H: *facing the speaker* “Hi, we’ll have [his order] and –” *turns to W* W: A spicy southwest salad. H: *faces the speaker* “A spicy southwest salad –” *turns to W* W: And large waffles fries. H: *PAUSES. Slowly faces the speaker* “And large waffle fries.” *turns to W* W: Thank you. *cheesy smile*
Paradise
*Husband walks over to Wife to hug her* H: You smell like onions. W: *sad face* What? I showered… H: Maybe it’s the salad… *moves and points to to the salad at the table.* W: I know I ran two miles but I even showered with the paradise bodywash. H: I said it was the salad. W: There’s a lot of paradise here… *points up and down to self*
My first rapid pick up
I was cleaning out some paperwork (as usual) and I came across a folded piece of paper. It was a print out of a rapid pick up order at a local Panera. May 2015…. Then I remembered. This was the first time that I placed a “rapid pick up order”, so I printed out my pick up confirmation just in case anyone questioned me or needed to see some kind of proof of purchase. You there, with the Bambi look… your lunch is here. Can I see your confirmation? Hello, can we see your confirmation before we release your meal to you? Sure thing ma’am, may I see your confirmation?…
